No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
