Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
