I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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