He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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