I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
