I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
