my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize