Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
