I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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