There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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