I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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