A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is my gift to your gina
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
