You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
