He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
