At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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