you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
