I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
