I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
