She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
