If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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