My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
