u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
