i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had to cum in my sink.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
