I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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