Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
