we're blogging at a bar
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
