Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
