I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I need a burrito and a hug.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
