yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
