Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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