she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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