Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
