At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
