At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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