similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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