Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize