batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize