OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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