i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
