yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
