I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
