benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
