I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
