guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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