who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
