when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
