ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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