She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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