You can't motorboat a personality
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
