ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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