He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
