You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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