Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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