one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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