Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
