oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
