ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
