I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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