I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
