oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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