exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
