He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
