i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize