I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
