Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
