It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
