She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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