So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
